I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize