How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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