i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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