Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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