i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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