i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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