I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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