I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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