Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize