You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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