I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize