he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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