Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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