he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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