guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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