Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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