Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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