I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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