it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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