i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize