If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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