Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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