i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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