Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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