I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize