If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize