WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize