Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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