either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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