i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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