How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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