Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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