You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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