Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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