Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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