I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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