I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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