I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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