I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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