Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
