whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
