So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize