I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize