I wish I could teleport
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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