He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize