I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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