Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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