Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize