walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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