Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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